Grace, forgiveness and more grace

I was asleep...or was I, I knew I'd seen a picture, more like a clip, a small vision maybe.

It was so real, I was cross, I was scolding my girls over something or other and as I did so, I saw their expressions, their attitude change. I saw their hearts harden through my un reasonableness, it brought me great sadness, and I prayed Lord, what am I doing wrong and why am I doing this? and He spoke and said, you are not moving in love, you are moving in justice, My grace abounds in grace and love. In justice you have judgement and condemnation.

I woke up feeling physically churned up. I prayed some more and asked for guidance. He took me to the parable of the servant, who had much to be forgiven, was forgiven all his debts by his master, but refused to forgive his fellow servant his small debt, I was floored!!!

I had put myself in that place, though I know I am not perfect, much to the contrary, I was expecting perfection from my wee ones. 

What I saw was so real, I knew it was a lesson to be learnt, and quickly. 

I shared this with my youngest son Bobby who pointed me in the direction of a small book by John and Caroll Arnott, called Grace and forgiveness. A small precious, priceless gem of a book. I Read it in the small hours last night. In there was my story, my keys, my direction, come back to Jesus, He has forgiven you much, so walk in grace and forgiveness. Let Jesus be the Gardner and turn over the soil of my heart, dig up old hardened, bitter roots and let Him release showers of refreshing healing rain of forgiveness. 

And so I did, and will have to do forever and a day, till I meet Him face to face.

if you are like me in any way, if you are frustrated sometimes about being a stay at home Mama, read this book. I said to a precious friend today, I'm an eagle, I'm tired of being a mama hen, but there is a time and place for different training and both are foundational and invaluable, so my Heaven is also a place i call home, and i can be the one that make the difference in it. 

It's here that I learn, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control. It's here, at home,  where my boot camp is. 

It's at home where He trusts me with ALL things precious, it is here that i am trained, refined and adorned with grace and love for the journey ahead. 

It is at home where hearts are softened, lives built up and faith renewed. It is at home that I learn to be more like Jesus. 

Love love and more love, grace, grace and more grace, His way.

Be blessed today in your homes, and wherever you are

Xxxxx

S

My sheep hear my voice....why don't my kids hear mine?

I was walking around the farm today, pondering on what was bugging me...
Littles M inability to hear my voice.

No, her hearing is fine, she's just had her 2 year check, I know, I know she's only 2, I understand, and make huge allowances for that, like the Swahili proverb that states, mri wake unawaruhuso,  her age allows her to...
I get that, I really do, but his is  different, it's not just selective hearing, like hubby has, like most males do, my sons are the same, or even our dogs, when they don't want to go outside cause its cold, I don't blame them, I'm partial to a chair by the fire myself, I too have selective hearing.
No, I'm convinced this is different. This isn't the same.

I saw this with our other daughter, XX, when we first became a family, it took two years for her to hear, really hear and trust my voice, and now with Lil M, I see it too.
And I think the missing ingredient is trust.

How long does trust take to build, this trust that doesn't question, that believes that the other, me in this case, has got their best interest at heart?
With our 4 big kids, it was there from the beginning, they new my voice in utero, slightly muffled, possibly distorted, as they heard it through my body, but I know they heard it, they knew me, implicit trust from the beginning, I was their provider, their nurturer.
They heard it as I held them in my arms and fed them, they heard it in their sleep as I rocked them...they knew my voice and they trusted me...
But with my little ones, trust has been hard earned, they lost their first voice, the voice they heard, the voice they recognised and trusted, the voice that made them possible, and after the first separation, how many more voices did they hear, until finally they began to lack trust, of ever recognising their voice
again?
And when finally I became a permanent fixture in their lives, a voice of comfort, love and boundaries, the trust by then was broken, and it became harder for them to tune into my voice, nestle in and relax.

Quite often as I spoke of my undying love for them, they would shake their heads in an unconscious desire to block my voice of love out, too risky almost, to believe and trust in its true intent.
But I know it will happen, it happened with our baby big girl, who is now 7, and it will happen with our baby Lil girl, she will one day turn to me and see with her eyes and hear with her heart, and know, without a shadow of doubt, that the voice she hears is true, it is the voice of her Mama, who she can trust.
You see, fear negates trust, trust takes time to build, but we are here for the long haul, forever family, forever in their present, forever in their future, forever helping them to chase their fears away, because we are learning that love casts out all fears.

So I return to the one whose voice called me out of my place of fear, of unrest, of mistrust, I sit still for a moment and I listen to His voice, it beats deep within me, it resonates within my being, His words that I trust, His voice which I have heard, which says....

I am the good Shepherd, my sheep hear my voice, my perfect love casts out all fear, come to me, all who are burdened, I will give you rest, trust in Me with all your heart, don't rely solely on your understanding, focus on me and I will show you the way...I love you, My love will never fail you.
His voice calls deep within me, I trust His words, He has proved Himself true.

Yes, it did take  me a long time to trust Him, but now, I hear His voice.
I know that one day Lil M will hear my voice and know she can truly trust me

Mama in love