GDP?????

So today we had this amazing open house lunch at the farm, and Adam walks through the door and says " theres this guy, (ive forgotten his name) who says we should measure a country's GDP according to the size of their wood pile." At which point my heart skipped a beat.
so i said, you what?????
i know, deep hey!!!!
so Adam eloquently explained what GDP meant. ive had to look it up again and this is what i found....
GDP gross domestic product= the total market value of all final goods and services produced in a country in a given year etc etc etc

So according to Adam, we are rich!!! I love this!!!
You see, we don't have two beans in money terms to rub together at the mo, the project has halted, whilst we truly, honestly, completely, unashamedly, humbly , expectantly, wait on God.
If He doesn't do it, it won't get done, not because we are lazy, but because the money has run out.
But according to Adam, and I can tell you, he looked and sounded like a prophet to me, we are rich, because our wood pile is Huge!!!!
And this is how the story goes,
One very very cold winters morning, when we'd only been at the farm a little while, my friend Charlie who runs the garden, popped his head round the door and asked what I was up to?
I was thawing by a poky little fire, longing for a wood burner as the house then had no heating. Charlie chastised me for being such a wimp, at which point i closed my eyes and asked God for some kind word to come out of my mouth as i was feeling very grumpy.
As clear as day God said, tell Charlie a story!
a story says i??? really God???any in mind?????
again He spoke to my heart and said, tell Charlie the story of the Israelites and the manna in the desert, so i did as i was told and I said to Charlie, do you remember from Sunday school the story ..... and he said yes, so i said Charlie as  sure as I know that God wants me here, I know that He will provide the wood to heat this place, I don't know where from, but like the manna that fell day and night, God will provide. Charlie looked bemused and that was that, or so I thought, Charlie left the farm  at midday, by 2.30, Chris rang and said, have you seen the wood?what wood, says I????
And when I went out side, we had already had 6 lorry loads delivered!!
So two years later, with the mountain of wood cut up, shared and stored, I was musing on Gods amazing provision for every single bit of this place, and wondering how we will ever have enough money to finish this awesome project, when an email comes through to say that there was more wood on the way...the same farmer, the same source of wood, on its way to us!!!!!
8lorry loads, our great wood pile!!!!
I just marvelled and took it as a sure sign that God is on the move again, and His provision is on its way. Don't ask me how, or when, but all I can say, as I said to my friend Charlie, as sure as I stand here on the farm four and  a half years down the line, I know because I know, because I know, that help is on its way, because He is so very faithful.
And in Charlie's words to me...you prayed didn't you?
Yep I did.
Adam you made my day. Thank you

God i look to You, I won't be overwhelmed,  give me vision to see things like you do.
God I look to You, You're where my help comes from, give me wisdom to know just what to do.

Words by Jen Johnson Bethel California

A pearl of great price...30 years and counting

Thirty years and its pearl!!!!

That's my marriage, a pearl of great price, like the story in the Bible in Matthew, where it tells  of a pearl merchant, who found the one pearl of great value, and went, sold everything he had to acquire it.  

That was me, no I didn't offer him money to marry me, haha, i wonder what he would have thought of that, i could have said it was a strange Brasilian custom. We were though, in Tanzania always asked how many cows he had paid for my hand in marriage,  but i knew from the moment I met this fun loving, gentle country vet, that he was the man for me.

My poor Mama when I told her, me, her only child....but Chris was worth all the upheaval, all the loss, all the sacrifice, of leaving friends and family behind, he was worth it all. Though I did moan!!!!

Brasil is rather special too!!!!

Jesus tells this story as an example of what heaven is like, now I'm in no way  likening our marriage to Heaven, I'm sure Chris would liken it to many other things, but I do believe with all my heart, that our marriage was made in heaven. 

Take a crazy Brasilian, marry her to a sensible Englishman, and you are bound to get ripples, well really, I ripple and create waves, Chris stays steady. God has a sense of humour!!!

So I'm celebrating, I'm celebrating a wonderful  hunky, kind, generous Godly husband, an amazing Dad, friend and partner. A man whose roots go deep.

We have nurtured our pearl through so many trials, I nearly lost him to tick typhus in deep Africa, he nearly lost me and our twin pregnancy to black water fever, we've nurtured 4 beautiful grown up children, and now two fab little ones, we've cried, laughed and held each other very tight, through storms I do not wish to repeat and our anchor has held fast, thanks to our wonderful Saviour and Friend Jesus, our faith in Daddy God, and the creativity of the Holy Spirit, and they have  pulled us through each and every time.

We've grated each other the wrong way, we've smoothed each others ruffled feathers, we've walked away to calm down and we've sought God in it all, and no we're not perfect, our kids, family and friends can testify to that, but we've learnt a few truths along the way.

We've learnt to say yes to God, to say sorry and to always say I love you..

My darling Chris, your eyes, your smile, your laugh, your love, I cannot live without.

Your early morning singing  and cheerfulness, I have learnt to accept, but most of all, your faith, your grace and your fun loving steadfastness, have kept me sane and in love with you through this journey, our marriage.

I'm so thankful that you are you..

We were once told as a newly married couple that a man marries a woman, hoping that she will never change, and a woman marries a man, hoping she will change him, and yes, they are both wrong.

I say amen to that.

I will love you always, you are so precious to me.

Grace, forgiveness and more grace

I was asleep...or was I, I knew I'd seen a picture, more like a clip, a small vision maybe.

It was so real, I was cross, I was scolding my girls over something or other and as I did so, I saw their expressions, their attitude change. I saw their hearts harden through my un reasonableness, it brought me great sadness, and I prayed Lord, what am I doing wrong and why am I doing this? and He spoke and said, you are not moving in love, you are moving in justice, My grace abounds in grace and love. In justice you have judgement and condemnation.

I woke up feeling physically churned up. I prayed some more and asked for guidance. He took me to the parable of the servant, who had much to be forgiven, was forgiven all his debts by his master, but refused to forgive his fellow servant his small debt, I was floored!!!

I had put myself in that place, though I know I am not perfect, much to the contrary, I was expecting perfection from my wee ones. 

What I saw was so real, I knew it was a lesson to be learnt, and quickly. 

I shared this with my youngest son Bobby who pointed me in the direction of a small book by John and Caroll Arnott, called Grace and forgiveness. A small precious, priceless gem of a book. I Read it in the small hours last night. In there was my story, my keys, my direction, come back to Jesus, He has forgiven you much, so walk in grace and forgiveness. Let Jesus be the Gardner and turn over the soil of my heart, dig up old hardened, bitter roots and let Him release showers of refreshing healing rain of forgiveness. 

And so I did, and will have to do forever and a day, till I meet Him face to face.

if you are like me in any way, if you are frustrated sometimes about being a stay at home Mama, read this book. I said to a precious friend today, I'm an eagle, I'm tired of being a mama hen, but there is a time and place for different training and both are foundational and invaluable, so my Heaven is also a place i call home, and i can be the one that make the difference in it. 

It's here that I learn, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control. It's here, at home,  where my boot camp is. 

It's at home where He trusts me with ALL things precious, it is here that i am trained, refined and adorned with grace and love for the journey ahead. 

It is at home where hearts are softened, lives built up and faith renewed. It is at home that I learn to be more like Jesus. 

Love love and more love, grace, grace and more grace, His way.

Be blessed today in your homes, and wherever you are

Xxxxx

S

My sheep hear my voice....why don't my kids hear mine?

I was walking around the farm today, pondering on what was bugging me...
Littles M inability to hear my voice.

No, her hearing is fine, she's just had her 2 year check, I know, I know she's only 2, I understand, and make huge allowances for that, like the Swahili proverb that states, mri wake unawaruhuso,  her age allows her to...
I get that, I really do, but his is  different, it's not just selective hearing, like hubby has, like most males do, my sons are the same, or even our dogs, when they don't want to go outside cause its cold, I don't blame them, I'm partial to a chair by the fire myself, I too have selective hearing.
No, I'm convinced this is different. This isn't the same.

I saw this with our other daughter, XX, when we first became a family, it took two years for her to hear, really hear and trust my voice, and now with Lil M, I see it too.
And I think the missing ingredient is trust.

How long does trust take to build, this trust that doesn't question, that believes that the other, me in this case, has got their best interest at heart?
With our 4 big kids, it was there from the beginning, they new my voice in utero, slightly muffled, possibly distorted, as they heard it through my body, but I know they heard it, they knew me, implicit trust from the beginning, I was their provider, their nurturer.
They heard it as I held them in my arms and fed them, they heard it in their sleep as I rocked them...they knew my voice and they trusted me...
But with my little ones, trust has been hard earned, they lost their first voice, the voice they heard, the voice they recognised and trusted, the voice that made them possible, and after the first separation, how many more voices did they hear, until finally they began to lack trust, of ever recognising their voice
again?
And when finally I became a permanent fixture in their lives, a voice of comfort, love and boundaries, the trust by then was broken, and it became harder for them to tune into my voice, nestle in and relax.

Quite often as I spoke of my undying love for them, they would shake their heads in an unconscious desire to block my voice of love out, too risky almost, to believe and trust in its true intent.
But I know it will happen, it happened with our baby big girl, who is now 7, and it will happen with our baby Lil girl, she will one day turn to me and see with her eyes and hear with her heart, and know, without a shadow of doubt, that the voice she hears is true, it is the voice of her Mama, who she can trust.
You see, fear negates trust, trust takes time to build, but we are here for the long haul, forever family, forever in their present, forever in their future, forever helping them to chase their fears away, because we are learning that love casts out all fears.

So I return to the one whose voice called me out of my place of fear, of unrest, of mistrust, I sit still for a moment and I listen to His voice, it beats deep within me, it resonates within my being, His words that I trust, His voice which I have heard, which says....

I am the good Shepherd, my sheep hear my voice, my perfect love casts out all fear, come to me, all who are burdened, I will give you rest, trust in Me with all your heart, don't rely solely on your understanding, focus on me and I will show you the way...I love you, My love will never fail you.
His voice calls deep within me, I trust His words, He has proved Himself true.

Yes, it did take  me a long time to trust Him, but now, I hear His voice.
I know that one day Lil M will hear my voice and know she can truly trust me

Mama in love