Grace, forgiveness and more grace

I was asleep...or was I, I knew I'd seen a picture, more like a clip, a small vision maybe.

It was so real, I was cross, I was scolding my girls over something or other and as I did so, I saw their expressions, their attitude change. I saw their hearts harden through my un reasonableness, it brought me great sadness, and I prayed Lord, what am I doing wrong and why am I doing this? and He spoke and said, you are not moving in love, you are moving in justice, My grace abounds in grace and love. In justice you have judgement and condemnation.

I woke up feeling physically churned up. I prayed some more and asked for guidance. He took me to the parable of the servant, who had much to be forgiven, was forgiven all his debts by his master, but refused to forgive his fellow servant his small debt, I was floored!!!

I had put myself in that place, though I know I am not perfect, much to the contrary, I was expecting perfection from my wee ones. 

What I saw was so real, I knew it was a lesson to be learnt, and quickly. 

I shared this with my youngest son Bobby who pointed me in the direction of a small book by John and Caroll Arnott, called Grace and forgiveness. A small precious, priceless gem of a book. I Read it in the small hours last night. In there was my story, my keys, my direction, come back to Jesus, He has forgiven you much, so walk in grace and forgiveness. Let Jesus be the Gardner and turn over the soil of my heart, dig up old hardened, bitter roots and let Him release showers of refreshing healing rain of forgiveness. 

And so I did, and will have to do forever and a day, till I meet Him face to face.

if you are like me in any way, if you are frustrated sometimes about being a stay at home Mama, read this book. I said to a precious friend today, I'm an eagle, I'm tired of being a mama hen, but there is a time and place for different training and both are foundational and invaluable, so my Heaven is also a place i call home, and i can be the one that make the difference in it. 

It's here that I learn, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control. It's here, at home,  where my boot camp is. 

It's at home where He trusts me with ALL things precious, it is here that i am trained, refined and adorned with grace and love for the journey ahead. 

It is at home where hearts are softened, lives built up and faith renewed. It is at home that I learn to be more like Jesus. 

Love love and more love, grace, grace and more grace, His way.

Be blessed today in your homes, and wherever you are

Xxxxx

S

My sheep hear my voice....why don't my kids hear mine?

I was walking around the farm today, pondering on what was bugging me...
Littles M inability to hear my voice.

No, her hearing is fine, she's just had her 2 year check, I know, I know she's only 2, I understand, and make huge allowances for that, like the Swahili proverb that states, mri wake unawaruhuso,  her age allows her to...
I get that, I really do, but his is  different, it's not just selective hearing, like hubby has, like most males do, my sons are the same, or even our dogs, when they don't want to go outside cause its cold, I don't blame them, I'm partial to a chair by the fire myself, I too have selective hearing.
No, I'm convinced this is different. This isn't the same.

I saw this with our other daughter, XX, when we first became a family, it took two years for her to hear, really hear and trust my voice, and now with Lil M, I see it too.
And I think the missing ingredient is trust.

How long does trust take to build, this trust that doesn't question, that believes that the other, me in this case, has got their best interest at heart?
With our 4 big kids, it was there from the beginning, they new my voice in utero, slightly muffled, possibly distorted, as they heard it through my body, but I know they heard it, they knew me, implicit trust from the beginning, I was their provider, their nurturer.
They heard it as I held them in my arms and fed them, they heard it in their sleep as I rocked them...they knew my voice and they trusted me...
But with my little ones, trust has been hard earned, they lost their first voice, the voice they heard, the voice they recognised and trusted, the voice that made them possible, and after the first separation, how many more voices did they hear, until finally they began to lack trust, of ever recognising their voice
again?
And when finally I became a permanent fixture in their lives, a voice of comfort, love and boundaries, the trust by then was broken, and it became harder for them to tune into my voice, nestle in and relax.

Quite often as I spoke of my undying love for them, they would shake their heads in an unconscious desire to block my voice of love out, too risky almost, to believe and trust in its true intent.
But I know it will happen, it happened with our baby big girl, who is now 7, and it will happen with our baby Lil girl, she will one day turn to me and see with her eyes and hear with her heart, and know, without a shadow of doubt, that the voice she hears is true, it is the voice of her Mama, who she can trust.
You see, fear negates trust, trust takes time to build, but we are here for the long haul, forever family, forever in their present, forever in their future, forever helping them to chase their fears away, because we are learning that love casts out all fears.

So I return to the one whose voice called me out of my place of fear, of unrest, of mistrust, I sit still for a moment and I listen to His voice, it beats deep within me, it resonates within my being, His words that I trust, His voice which I have heard, which says....

I am the good Shepherd, my sheep hear my voice, my perfect love casts out all fear, come to me, all who are burdened, I will give you rest, trust in Me with all your heart, don't rely solely on your understanding, focus on me and I will show you the way...I love you, My love will never fail you.
His voice calls deep within me, I trust His words, He has proved Himself true.

Yes, it did take  me a long time to trust Him, but now, I hear His voice.
I know that one day Lil M will hear my voice and know she can truly trust me

Mama in love

Gifts, yes good gifts....

I love gifts, I don't particularly like surprises, but I love that feeling of opening a box and delighting in what is in it.
The givers generosity, their insight into what we delight in, but also those unexpected presents where a new dimension has been imparted to us, through the wisdom of the giver.
And so this story was like a gift, shared among us at our home group.

We are part of a wonderful home group, we are all so special, just because we are. We delight in each other and we laugh a lot. He is definitely surprising us all.
We have travelled many journeys, over 20 years or more of friendships, but mostly spent  going our separate ways, but God in His infinite wisdom, has brought us together, for such a time as this, but that's another healing story, for another day.

But back to boxes and present...ah yes, so this beautiful friend who comes to home group was sharing with us a dream, a prophecy, a live heart story, a journey of her mind and heart through a vision, that God took her on, and the story, her vision went something like this ..

A woodcutter surveyed His land, He saw that His trees were ready for felling, a tree has many uses, and it was time for the next phase of the journey, He, the Woodcutter, surveyed and chose many that He wished to put to His service, and as many as He chose, He will in time chose them all who wish to serve.
Finally, after much wait, this one tree, was also chosen, and the prunning process began, after all the small snagging branches had to be removed, those that hold us back, those same branches that detract from the main trunk of the tree, those that poke your eyes out when we try to get close, for a bit of tree hugging...

And as these beautiful trees were pruned and then  felled, they were rolled down to the river, immersed in that glorious water, floating in the river of life, tied together, bumped and submerged and floated down to the wood yard.
Once there they were brought to shore, and placed by the Woodcutter in His yard, but to any untrained heart, it looked like they had just been left...left to the elements,  under the sun, the rain and the wind, for seasons of seasoning, because, you see, that seasoning is such a huge part of the process, it's where the sun's heat brings out the sap, it's where the rain washes it all away, the wind comes and blows afresh, so this process can be repeated again and again...

And her cry as she watched, was Lord how much longer?
 Until, finally the day arrived, when the tree, now a log was moved into the drying room, where  there it stayed for a while, until it was ripe and ready to be planned and planned and planned, until the cry from all of us unskilled  observers, listeners, without understanding of the Masters hand was ...how much more has to be cut off and what will remain?

But there was no panic in the Masters Craftsmans hands, because He knew His plan all along, and though it was not clear for all to see, He knew what He had in mind, He knew that no bit of that tree, log, now a plank would be wasted.
And as He worked and chisseled, from His hands, He fastened a box, and she looked and  saw a perfect small box, a treasure, but again the cry from her heart was why, why so small, was it necessary to trim, to prune, to cut so much off, now look, all that is left is this small box...

And with the woodsman, craftsman perfect insight, He said said, my Dear, the box is beautiful, it is there for a purpose, so look inside, and like all vessels which are destined for a Divine purpose, after undergoing so many changes, there it was, inside,  there was the perfect oil, a precious gift, straight from the Masters hand.

You see He said, it's not about the vessel, it's about the oil, the healing oil, the oil of anointing , My oil, that carries My mandate, My imprint,  My gifts for the nations.

And as she told us her vision, The Masters heart cry came to us, will we be glad to carry His oil into our lives?
Will we be glory carriers, love and joy carriers, life carriers, healing, peace and patience carriers, kindness, gentleness,  goodness carriers, faithfulness carriers full of self  control, wisdom and insight?
All because He is and He gives, and He has gifted us this most amazing of ALL gifts, the gift of life with Him and through Him, the most beautiful, perfect gift of all, His Son Jesus, who walked and lived with the worlds heavy needs and yet was not dismayed or tired of doing good because the Fathers oil was poured upon Him, and this same oil, He gives to us through His Holy Spirit today, what gift.

I am so thankful that its not about the box, it's not about me, it's not about people being the perfect box, it's about the oil, His Spirit within me, my hope to see His glory, to see Him be relied on, called upon, released for our wholeness,  throughout the nations, for this generation, in these troubled times.
 Christ in me, the hope of glory.

Wow, what a gift...

Aged to perfection...a good vintage...

It said "aged to perfection" I looked and smiled, it is, he is, I love him.... It hasn't always been so, I did love him from the day we met, I loved his easy ways, his smile, his open nature... And then we changed, or did we? Maybe the real we came out when it felt safe to do so... we didn't mellow like good wine, we fizzed, we popped, we occasionally exploded....we did life. Life with kids, life in the bush, hard life, good life, just life... But things always change, and a bad day, season, time, can also change and we fell in love again, and again and again...just doing life Today 29 years down the line, I love him more, my aged to perfection husband is the apple of my eye.... The fizz, the pops and the bangs , I now realise will always be there...we are of course champagne I discovered, meant to have bubbles, to tickle the nose, to excite the palate... So my Love, here we are, the kids and I celebrate you, honour and love you, my rock, my role model, my thorn in the flesh, my......one. I'm so thankful God knew what He was doing when He brought us together....I know you are too....aren't you ; ) Love you always Xxxxxxxxxx S

brave or naive...both i believe

hubby said it would take 2 years....and it's nearly that...
2 years to fall in love, or in my case to be fallen in love with....but she did it!!!!
my baby girl has finally fallen in love with me, and when i look into those eyes i see love.

i've always known, adoption is for the the brave,  because it takes so long, there are so many twists and turns or for the naive, or both, and i love it.
welcome to my world, to the Tribe
xxxx
S